So drunk its hurt
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
