that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
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