I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
