my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
