I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
how drunk are you?
Several
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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