Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
