May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
