I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
