you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The struggles of a small town man whore
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
