I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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