i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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