You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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