this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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