Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We got so high we made milksteak
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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