I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
