So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
