When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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