of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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