Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
