After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
