Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
