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What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
