worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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