sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I believe in your delicious
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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