If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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