He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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