Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
