So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
