I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
