Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
