so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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