Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
