You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
