so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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