she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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