If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
