so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
