I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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