Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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