My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
