His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
