I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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