remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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