I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
