Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
