Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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