You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
