if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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