lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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