You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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