redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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