It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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